My Story

I was mentioned in a very touching status update on Facebook yesterday by Eileen Griffin. 

"I’m also in awe of people like Jordan Christopher who was brave enough to come out to his super-conservative family and stand up for his beliefs in a very out loud and visible way."

This got me wondering how many of you actually know my story. Some of you may know I recently came out to my family, but most don't know anything about my family or how I was raised. Which leads me to this blog post. This isn't a story...this is my life. Hope you enjoy.

I was born into a stereotypical Southern family. I was surrounded by the racism and bigotry pretty much from day one. Words like n****r and f****t weren't out of the ordinary for me to hear growing up. One thing I distinctly remember is my 12th birthday. My grandfather (my mother's father) pulled me to the side and told me "You can do whatever you want, but if you ever bring a n****r home as your girlfriend, I'll beat you senseless." So...yeah. You see what I grew up with. 

My family has always been very religious. I was dragged to church from the time I could walk up until I moved out on my own. I was enrolled in a Baptist run school from Kindergarden right on through my senior year of high school. Everyone's beliefs were repeatedly crammed down my throat, but I was never one to just accept things that easily. I'm inquisitive. I like to like that question most parents hate...why? Why should I believe this? Prove to me that Christianity and it's god  and moral code is correct and I'll believe it. That got me labeled as a trouble maker in school. Which was fine with me. 

My parents divorced when I was 12, and myself and my younger brother went to live with my mother. Worst mistake I've ever made in my life honestly. She remarried within months of the divorce being finalized, and to say that I didn't get along with her new husband would be a grave understatement. He's one of those types of people that has to control everything around them, including the people. That never sat well with me. My mother is not very independent. She's quite content to have people, namely him, think for her. Thank god that is not something I inherited from her. He and I butted heads many times over the next 8 years. He was just as racist and homophobic as the rest of my family. He used to tease me all the time that I was gay, because I liked to eat vegetables, or because I wore a purple shirt, or because my jeans were tight, etc. It always pissed him off that I blew his comments off, because quite frankly I didn't give a flying fuck what he thought of me. Not to mention I never saw 'gay' as an insult. My mother was constantly on me about getting along with him, or apologizing for something that I didn't do. Finally she just left me alone, and chalked it up to me being rebellious. 

It was around the time of my parent's divorce that I started to question my sexuality. Having never met a gay person and hearing all about how it was wrong, I felt there was no one I could talk to about it, so I kept it to myself. I was confused. I was angry. I was resentful. I found myself being attracted to both sexes, which to someone who had never heard the term 'bisexual' just added to my confusion. I felt like I was abnormal, like there was something wrong with me. It would take me eight years before I finally felt at peace with myself and admitted my sexual orientation to someone.

I was twenty when I first came out to a few of my friends. It felt...liberating, like a little bit of weight was lifted off my chest. There was nothing but positive reactions, sprinkled with the occasional "I know, but I'm glad you finally admitted it."  Over the next two years I told more and more of my friends, or simply quit trying to hide it. My family was the only group of people in my life that didn't know about me. 

Some of you may remember, but National Coming Out Day was October 11. As cliche' as it sounds, I chose this day to step fully out of the proverbial closet and announce to the world, or at least to my Facebook friends, that I was bisexual. I posted my peace and logged out. The next day my Step Mother approached me about it. My father hadn't seen it yet, but she had found out from her daughter and son (my step siblings). She didn't understand it, but thankfully wasn't upset. I sat down with her and my dad later that night and explained that I was bisexual. Of course I got the typical questions that everyone seems to ask about bisexuality. They never once rejected me. They simply asked questions, trying to gain a better understanding. My step brother and sister have a step brother (follow me?) that is gay and has a boyfriend, so I wasn't their first exposure to a LGBT person. The following weeks were a little awkward when I was around them. I acted no different than I had before, but I think it took them some time to realize that I was the same person I was before...they just simply knew me better now.  

There have been a few people to comment on status' that I post supporting marriage equality. I reply back, logically explaining why I believe that we deserve equal rights and surprisingly...no one has come back with a rebuttal. I'm kind of disappointed actually. I love a good debate. Several have asked why I don't just move to a more liberal state that allows same sex marriage and my answer is always this: I want to be a part of the movement that changes things here in NC. Moving feels too much like running away to me, and I'm not ok with that.

So...that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

LOUD AND PROUD

I've had an interesting week and it's really inspired me to get more involved in this fight for equality on a local level. The federal government, more or less, has left it up to the states to decide their own laws dealing with same sex marriage, so if anything is going to change it's got to start at a local level and grow from there.That's where YOU come in. Get involved in any way you can. It doesn't have to be grandiose, something as simple as collecting items for your local LGBT shelter can be a huge help. An even easier way to get involved is this: use your mouth. Don't be a closeted supporter. Speak up and speak out for equal rights and marriage equality. 

It's no small secret that I love tattoos. I have eight of them covering my arms, ribs, hip, and chest. I went into my tattoo shop on Labor Day to get a piece touched up. While I was in there I asked my artist to quote me a price on my next piece I wanted done: the equality symbol. 

I got it inked that day on my left arm. I wanted it someplace where it would be very visible. You see, while I am a very avid supporter of gay rights, I hadn't been very vocal about it up until that point. I've had it for about two weeks now and I love it. I was very surprised by the number of people that asked me about it. What is it? What does it stand for? It has unintentionally become a very good conversation starter for me to talk to other people about the importance of supporting equality and being on the right side of history, whether they're straight or not. I'm not saying everyone should go out and tattoo the equality symbol on their body. I realize that's not for everyone, but my point is this:  there are so many ways to get involved in this fight besides donating money or time. Not to say that those two things aren't also great ways, because they are. Most shelters are non-profit and run off of donations so every little thing you can give them, whether it be your time or money, is greatly appreciated.

I started searching this week for a shelter or organization to get involved with and was very frustrated to find out that the nearest one to me is nearly 4 hours on the opposite side of the state. I live in North Carolina, a state where same sex marriage is illegal thanks to Amendment 1 to our state constitution. I'm using this as an example of how to get involved. I'm currently looking into the process to over-turn or throw out an amendment. I want to be a part of the movement that changes things here in NC. 

There are currently 13 states, several counties in NM, and the District of Columbia that recognize same sex marriages for what they are: legitimate.

That's great progress, but I'm not satisfied with it and won't be until all 50 states and every territory of this country recognize same sex marriage. That's where you come in. Do everything you can to change things and better your community. Get involved. Speak out in defense of those whose maybe aren't strong enough to speak up for themselves. Studies suggest that 1 in 10 people in the USA identify as LGBT (NOTE: some studies suggest this number is closer to 1 in 20 people). That is approximately 31.6 million people, in this country alone (This is merely my estimate). Then when you get to digging deeper and realize that 20% of this nations homeless population is LGBT with many of these being young people, it's troubling to say the least. 


I'm sure most of you can recall reciting the Pledge of Allegiance as a kid. "Liberty and Justice for all" is a phrase that lawmakers need to keep in mind when discussing legislation limiting our rights as gay Americans. It doesn't say liberty and justice for those that live a certain way or abide by a certain creed. No, it says FOR ALL because it was meant to be inclusive of every citizen, no matter their color, religion, or sexual orientation. And that's something I think a lot of so called Christians need to keep in mind. This fight for our rights is NOT an attack on their religion or on Christianity. It's a legal battle for our rights as citizens of this country. This nation was founded on the principle of religious freedom, that the government could not and would not impose any one specific religion on it's people. Religion has no place in law making, plain and simple. The right wing conservatives and Christians who oppose same sex marriage on the basis of their religious beliefs have no foot to stand on in this argument. Yes, they are free to believe as they wish, but they do NOT have the right to take away my freedoms because they perceive them to be wrong. That's not freedom of religion, that's tyranny. 

My apologies for this long post, and thank you if you've made it this far! The best way to sum all that up is this: GET INVOLVED. If you have anything to add, leave it in the comments below. Thanks for reading and I'll see you guys next week.

~Jordan

M/M Books: The Good and The Bad

It's no secret that I read a lot; pretty much exclusively in the M/M genre. For those that aren't aware that's Men/Men, ie. gay. If that offends your delicate sensibilities then leave. Now. With that disclaimer out of the way let's move on shall we?

There are a lot of things about this genre that I love, but the flip-side to that is list of things that make me, and any sensible reader, cringe. Any one who knows me and my reading habits knows that I'm somewhat of a book snob. I like plot. A lot. I don't read a book because of the sex scenes. I read a book because of it's characters and it's plot. Call me crazy, but to me those are the most important things. I've flounced books before because SEX was the only thing going on. Your characters don't NEED to fuck every other paragraph; it distracts from your story. This is a big thing in the M/M genre that, quite frankly, pisses me off because it plays into a stereotype of gay men: that we're all about the sex and not about relationships. Authors may not realize what they're doing, but by playing into this stereotype they're no different than those who type-cast us in the first place. I've noticed that while many speak out for equality with their words, their actions say something entirely different. It's unfortunate, but it's true.

The point of this post? Be mindful of how you interact with us (gay/bi men). We weren't put on this planet to be your besties, to design your clothes, or to decorate your houses. Our purpose is the same as any straight person's; to enjoy life, to find love, and to live a full and happy existence. Progress has been made recently to give us the equal rights that we deserve, let's keep that momentum going.

Sound off if you agree or disagree!